last night we went to a PTO meeting at savvy's school. she is in first grade and each grade was singing a few songs prior to the meeting. a sure fire way to get the parents to the PTO meetings.
so there was Kindergarten - and they were adorable...
and then first grade - and savvy was the star (who are we kidding? i am her mom. i am biased. end of discussion.)
followed by second grade. still cute kids - doing their thing.
and then hubby leans over and asks - is this Sam's age group?
and i stop to think for a sec. and say no. she would be in third grade if she were mainstreamed (normal).
shelton qualifies her as second grade - which is a GOOD thing - because it gives her at least one extra year there.
but if she were mainstreamed (normal), she would be in the third grade.
and they were up next. the third graders.
and i tried to picture Sam up there. with those pretty little girls and cute little boys. i tried to wrap my mind around the fact that those children are her contemporaries - age wise.
but she is not their peer. not in maturity, speech or ability.
and while i most often try to focus on what she CAN do and what she HAS learned and how much progress she HAS made, every now and then i am reminded of where she SHOULD be.
and sometimes, it makes me sad...
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4 comments:
My Coconut is in 6th, when she SHOULD be in 7th, but when I look at those middle school girls there is no way she would fit in, socially, emotionally, or academically. We have to remember when we do the SHOULD BE thinking that they really should be where they are now. This year they put Coconut in a mixed class with 5th and 6th. That means she is two years older than the other half of the girls in her class. She loves her teacher, and the other classroom has the nasty girls in it from last year, so I've let it go, and try to not let it concern me, but it does.
So, I feel for you and do the same thing and feel the same way you did last night. God gives special children to special people.
Your pal,
W.
thanks W!
i know i have absolutely no right to throw a pity party on this - much less send out invites, but i think there is a part of me that will mourn (a tiny bit) every day for the child i thought i would be having.
I won't say should have had. because Sam IS the child I should have had. Should HAVE now. no question on that.
but as an expectant mother - she was not the child i thought i would have.
and that brings a sense of loss.
my hubby says it is a waste of time and energy to entertain these thoughts. and i guess it's good for him that he doesn't.
and in a sense - he relates to her more since he grew up dyslexic and ADHD - and i came up through gifted and talented.
He sees how lucky she is to have the education she gets. i see the loss.
perspective.
that's all it is...
My son-we waited till he was 6 to begin kindergarten..his birthday was right before school started..and he was a young 5, to me. Now I look at him and think "I am so glad he is NOT in the grade ahead (where he'd have been if we began at 5)".. he would be less mature than those kids..it would have been horrible. He fits in well as there happen to be several boys with birthdays in August--who's mom's also waited..
I think regardless of grade level.. we do sometimes mourn a little about what we imagined and its hard seeing our kids with so much "stuff" go through..
I know it is hard to look at the big picture when present things seem to be staring you in the face. Those kids might be her peers age wise but I am sure that they have no idea what it means to fight to learn something new the way your daughter does. I am sure they don't know how to take joy in even the smallest accomplishment. In my mind, this puts your daughter, heads above the others. If we could all fight to accomplish things, if we could all find joy in the small victories, I think we would all be much happier. As I said before, it is the heart that matters.
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