second opinion

lesson learned today - Always Get A Second Opinion.

went to see an eye Dr today. not an optomotrist but an opthalmologist.
Did another peripheral vision test on Sam. With a technician with years and years of experience. different, more accurate technology. She spent a lot of time working with Sam to get accurate results.

I did not tell her why I was there ahead of time. Just that some test results were disturbing and I wanted a second opinion.

Sam's vision is 20/20 and her peripheral is PERFECT.

Did you hear that?
It was a HUGE Audible Sigh of Relief.

and now I think - what was the purpose in all this????
gut-wrenching anger and sadness

Hmmmm.
Well I did end up doing some research on Vision Therapy and how it can help kids with brain injuries and ADHD and Dyslexia.
There is an clinic in Plano that specializes in this type of therapy.

So I think maybe the purpose was to bring this new therapy to my attention. I am a no-stone-left-unturned kinda mom - so perhaps it was to bring me to this stone.

who knows.

just glad to let go of that renewed feeling of loss...

Sucker punch to the gut

Typically, when it comes to bad news about Samantha I have some sort of warning. I know it is coming.
Going for testing or meeting with educators for test results.
And I have time to prepare mentally for these results - which usually are not good.

Today, the kids and I had routine appointments with the optometrist. Sam had only been once, when she was much younger and Savvy and Smith had never been - so this was a kind of check-up thing.

In the midst of rotating the kids through all the screenings they do - I was taking my turn in the Dr's Better or Worse chair. You know - where he flips the switches in front of your eyes and says "Better or Worse."

So I was telling him that Savvy had recently been evaluated at Scottish Rite and while she does not have Dyslexia - she does have a recognized reading problem. Then went on to tell him that Sam goes to Shelton, has ADHD, dyslexia, apraxia, etc. And if he had a hard time understanding her to just ask her to repeat herself.

A few minutes later he pulled me aside and asks me if Sam has brain damage. Did I tell him she had a brain injury? I said No, I did not tell him that but yes, she did have a head injury as a baby. He shows me this sheet of paper with graphs on it - one graph for each eye. Has to do with peripheral vision. The same square on both graphs was marked. She has missing peripheral vision on both eyes in the same place. And that indicates a brain injury. He continued to say that with the right equipment, you could determine exactly where the injury is.

Now how much an eye Dr knows about brain injuries is up for debate.
So I don't know about the mapping part.

But this is the first physiological proof that Sam has a brain injury. Up until now, we had assumed it. but did not know for certain.

and now we know.
for certain.

and it felt like a sucker punch to the gut...

another birthday

Sam turned nine this past Saturday.
And I tried not to dwell on the where-she-is as opposed to the where-she-should-be.
but i had my moment.
Saturday morning. sitting on the side of the tub. watching her walk into the bathroom for me to do her hair. It hit me.
She's nine now.
Nine.
I won't even speculate where her maturity level actually is?
Or her ability level.
but neither are anywhere near nine years old.

It was just that one fleeting moment...

And then we had a fantastic time for her birthday.
Medieval Times with her sister and three female classmates.
None of them have the exact same issues or challenges as Sam but there are challenges for them nonetheless. Sam is the only apraxic one. But these girls were so cute and precious and darling together - being with them was one of the most uplifting experiences I have had in a very long time.
With them, Sam was typical. normal. They ALL were.
and it was GLORIOUS.
Must do this again - get these girls together. soon. often.

It's good for her.
It's good for me.

It's just good...