back to school

tomorrow is my most favorite day of the year.
better than Christmas and my birthday. combined.

all the kids go back to school.

and our house is a cauldron of swirling emotions today.
the kids are excited, dreadful and anxious.
and i share the sentiment.

i am THRILLED they are going back to school.
though i dread having to get up earlier...
do battle to get them out of bed, dressed, fed, brushed and lunches packed.

and this week - of all weeks - a double whammy to scheduling...
hubby has been told - due to a upcoming special event - to expect to put in lots of extra hours.
and my mother in law is having a rather serious medical procedure tomorrow and i have a demo first thing in the morning.

so that puts me squarely on the front line this week. unarmed.

might as well just jump in with both feet and hope to goodness i float...

took sam by to meet her new teacher and slp on friday. she asked me no less than 50 times why she has a new teacher. why does she have a new class? who are her friends in this class?

and thank GAWD there are friends in this class - and it just so happens that these friends belong to two of my favorite mothers.
(little blessings)

i feel for her - the anxiety of starting the year with a new teacher. she had such a GREAT year last year with her previous teacher and slp. and the good news is that she will likely have them again for the next two years.

but for now, she is anxious and excited.
sister and brother are the same.
brand new backs packs are lined up by the dining room table stuffed with all new school supplies.
shiny clean lunch boxes laid out on the kitchen counter.
clean clothes laid out in each child's room for tomorrow.
everyone has new shoes for the first day - new outfits too.

i am already tired just thinking about the upcoming week.

wish us luck!

and therapy for all

had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday.
first time in close to 6 months i have gone in to see him.
and this time only b/c i needed a refill on my Wellbutrin.

so he asks why so long between visits?

and i tell him that i have not had three kids in the house since the end of March.
wow!
April, May, June, July and now August.
one of my three has been out of the house.
and in that time, my need for medication has diminished greatly.

that does not make me feel very good as a mom.

and i tell him this.

i explain that this does not meet my definition of an effective mom.
and i feel like i cannot handle my three kids at the same time.

he asks if this is true - that i can't handle them all at the same time.

and i think about it.

and i respond - no, i can handle them.
just not well.

and he asks me if that's probably not normal, given the dynamics of our family - that most people would find this a challenge.

and i think about it. and i tell him that i'd like to think that most people would find this a challenge.

i want to believe this.

i just keep thinking that i should be doing this so much better than i actually am.

i remember something my realtor told me. and i related her comments to my shrink.

my realtor and i were going through all the tasks required for us to sell a house, move, financing, buy a house, new school for the kids, et al.

she tells me, "t_cole, i hope one day Sam appreciates everything you have done for her."
without thinking, i replied, "i hope she never knows."

i went on to explain to her (and my shrink) that i don't want sam to ever carry that burden - that we changed our whole family life to accommodate her education, doctors and therapy. i don't want her siblings to know either. they may figure it out on their own - but they won't ever hear it from me directly.

i continued by saying this is what parents do when their kids have a need such as Sam's.
you simply do whatever it takes to provide appropriate care/education/therapy for your child. period.

my shrink tells me he wishes more parents thought like this - that he wouldn't have so many kids as patients.

that's nice to hear.

but i tell him - "make no mistake, my kids will very likely end up in therapy before it's all said and done."

we agree the predicted therapy will be due to the dynamics of our family and not due to lack of parenting...

but still, i question, constantly, my parenting abilities. and i will continue to wonder if it is my parenting or just the nature of our family that will send all three of my kids screaming into a therapist's office one day.

what birth order?

one of the things i have been grappling with lately is that the birth order of my three kids is really messed up. Sam is the oldest at 8, then Savvy is 6 and Smith is 3.




Sam is noticeably immature for her age. this has been attributed to the ADHD and perhaps even the head injury. but more likely, the ADHD as this is not an uncommon trait of ADHD kids.



and Savvy is perhaps a bit more mature than children her own age. and she holds the uncoveted position of middle child in our family. and with that, comes its own ball of wax.



Smith is simply a three year old boy. also the baby. and that's not a bad place to be.



i feel deeply for the girls and the confusion they have in their birth order. Savvy certainly has the middle child syndrome working. poor pitiful me - everyone gets more attention than i do so i must act out. and in many ways, she is absolutely correct.



but even though Savvy is younger than Sam, she is far and away more mature. so i try and talk to her. and explain in the simplest terms possible that although she is not the oldest, she should try and act like the oldest. i cannot find the words to properly explain this to a six year old. even a mature six year old. and i desperately need her to understand.



and a part of me needs for Savvy to forgive me as well. i don't like having to ask a six year old to step up and in a sense, grow up. it's not fair.



NONE of this is fair. but our family dynamic is what it is.



and we all have to make the best of it - even if you are a innocent six year old girl...

The June Shelton School

the june shelton school sits on the corner of arapahoe and hillcrest in the building that once housed the prestonwood baptist church. every single time i drive up to that building i am overwhelmed with gratitude.
how can i not be?

david and i speculate that we have spent more money on the last four years of Sam's education and therapy than we did on both of our college educations combined. and it has been worth every single penny. we estimate that we will spend in excess of $100K by the time she graduates from 12th grade.
and we pay it gladly and with a grateful heart.
were it not for the shelton school, sam would not have the slightest chance at a normal life.

shelton is a private school. one of the most expensive in Dallas/Ft. Worth. as well as one of (if not) the best. we have been hugely fortunate in that sam has received scholarships from them each year. the shelton staff is phenomenal. there are none better, of this i am certain.

sam receives regular testing, daily speech therapy, weekly occupational therapy, physical therapy along with all the trappings of a typical education - music, PE, library time and drama.

they use a modified montessori methodology in the classroom so learning is largely student directed.

sam is participating in what started as a pilot early intervention program at shelton. on a private grant. small classes for children with learning differences AND speech challenges. so not all classes at shelton offer a speech therapist AND a teacher. only those classes participating in this program. there is rigorous testing annually to monitor the progress of these students.

i know this pilot program at shelton is being scrutinized by other schools across the nation and beyond. i know that the shelton administration has presented findings on this program at national and international speech and language conferences.

and still, i am not an apraxia expert. i don't have to be.
i live with it every day.
i don't read all the literature out there - as i once did.
when we finally had a diagnosis, i did my homework.
i asked the questions. i listened and and begged.
and sam started at shelton. and i have never, once, looked back.

for any quality of life that sam achieves, we owe gratitude and credit to the june shelton school.

historically speaking

when sam was two years old, my pediatrician referred us to my county's early childhood intervention program because she was not saying as many words as she should. sam was evaluated by ECI specialist and they determined she did indeed have a speech delay.

previous to this, she hit all of her developmental milestones within normal ranges - but at the late end of those ranges.

at ten months of age, she had a closed skull injury. a hair line fracture.

after the diagnosis at two years, the early childhood intervention program in our county came to our home and worked with her twice a week.

at that time, i sincerely believed we would have her up to speed and ready for first grade on time.

after a year of ECI, she went to a PPCD program in a public school. for a year and a half. She had a very good teacher there and a new but enthusiastic speech therapist. her speech made no measurable improvement in that year.

it was then i realized i would have to take her education and speech therapy into my own hands. started doing research. talking to people. asking more questions.

insisted that the public school purchase the Kaufmann Praxis test to determine if Sam was apraxic. They finally did buy the test kit and administered it to her. The results showed a very high likelihood of apraxia of speech. She was still just a bit too young for an official diagnosis.

my research led me to the conclusion that she would require an education driven by her speech requirements. There was no such education to be found in the Dallas area. The nearest program that offered a communication immersed education was in Mississippi at The Dubard School. (see links) she was too young for Dubard still. but i was told to check out their Children's Center for Communication & Development. both on the campus of the university of southern mississippi. my Alma Mater.

we made the snap decision to drive over for the weekend and interview there. sam was accepted to the program that day. a week later, my two daughters and i moved to mississippi for the school year. i was pregnant with my son. we lived with my parents for the year while my husband stayed here in texas to work and hold down the fort.

we had finally made the decision to move to mississippi so we could keep Sam at the Children's Center another year and then hopefully to have her accepted into Dubard (they have a two year waiting list). She was making noticeable progress for the first time ever.

while house shopping in Mississippi, i was on the phone with one of my speech resources in dallas. she told me about a new pilot program for speech delayed kids at the Shelton School. i hung up with her, and called Shelton only to be told that yes, they did have a new program but that the class for Sam's age group was already filled.

i begged. and pleaded. and told them what we were willing to do for our daughter. PLEASE would they consider making a spot for her. They agreed to consider it if i would send them all of her educational and medical records asap. i copied them that day and overnighted the 10 lb. package to them.

a week later they called to let us know they had reviewed her file and were going to make a place for her.

my family could return to texas.

that summer, she attended a fantastic program at the Callier Center in Richardson.

and in the fall, she started at shelton. her class has a speech therapist and a teacher. both trained in the Association Method.

fall 2008 will be the start of her fourth year there.

along the way, we have also added the diagnosis of ADHD, Dyslexia and Bipolar Disorder. in addition, her teachers tell me she exhibits the characteristics of a child with a brain injury.