school days, school haze

School is back in. It is Sam's fifth year at Shelton in the language intervention program. She is in a class with a teacher and an SLP I LOVE and at the same time are hugely effective instructors.

Sam's test scores at the end of last year showed measurable progress. Now that's something we haven't seen. ever.
But still, she is so far behind. She should be in 4th grade. She is in 3rd and tests at a 1st grade level in most areas.

The kicker is that we know she is intelligent. The spark is there.
It just does not translate to paper.

So I get the blahs...
the poor pitiful me's...
the poor pitiful sam's...

At the moment, I am trying to fill out paper work for an endocrinologist. Have to give a complete history before the doctor will even allow you to make an appointment. Her shrink suggested we have genetic testing done - to rule out anything there.

So my ped is sending us to this new Dr. If we pass the paperwork test. Which so far, I am failing miserably.

behaviour is an issue for Sam again. it is spiraling down hill. the tantrums are back.

Okay, (sigghhhhh)
picking myself up by the bootstraps (once again) and moving forward.

Paperwork will be done and sent.

no stone left unturned...

Forward
March

second opinion

lesson learned today - Always Get A Second Opinion.

went to see an eye Dr today. not an optomotrist but an opthalmologist.
Did another peripheral vision test on Sam. With a technician with years and years of experience. different, more accurate technology. She spent a lot of time working with Sam to get accurate results.

I did not tell her why I was there ahead of time. Just that some test results were disturbing and I wanted a second opinion.

Sam's vision is 20/20 and her peripheral is PERFECT.

Did you hear that?
It was a HUGE Audible Sigh of Relief.

and now I think - what was the purpose in all this????
gut-wrenching anger and sadness

Hmmmm.
Well I did end up doing some research on Vision Therapy and how it can help kids with brain injuries and ADHD and Dyslexia.
There is an clinic in Plano that specializes in this type of therapy.

So I think maybe the purpose was to bring this new therapy to my attention. I am a no-stone-left-unturned kinda mom - so perhaps it was to bring me to this stone.

who knows.

just glad to let go of that renewed feeling of loss...

Sucker punch to the gut

Typically, when it comes to bad news about Samantha I have some sort of warning. I know it is coming.
Going for testing or meeting with educators for test results.
And I have time to prepare mentally for these results - which usually are not good.

Today, the kids and I had routine appointments with the optometrist. Sam had only been once, when she was much younger and Savvy and Smith had never been - so this was a kind of check-up thing.

In the midst of rotating the kids through all the screenings they do - I was taking my turn in the Dr's Better or Worse chair. You know - where he flips the switches in front of your eyes and says "Better or Worse."

So I was telling him that Savvy had recently been evaluated at Scottish Rite and while she does not have Dyslexia - she does have a recognized reading problem. Then went on to tell him that Sam goes to Shelton, has ADHD, dyslexia, apraxia, etc. And if he had a hard time understanding her to just ask her to repeat herself.

A few minutes later he pulled me aside and asks me if Sam has brain damage. Did I tell him she had a brain injury? I said No, I did not tell him that but yes, she did have a head injury as a baby. He shows me this sheet of paper with graphs on it - one graph for each eye. Has to do with peripheral vision. The same square on both graphs was marked. She has missing peripheral vision on both eyes in the same place. And that indicates a brain injury. He continued to say that with the right equipment, you could determine exactly where the injury is.

Now how much an eye Dr knows about brain injuries is up for debate.
So I don't know about the mapping part.

But this is the first physiological proof that Sam has a brain injury. Up until now, we had assumed it. but did not know for certain.

and now we know.
for certain.

and it felt like a sucker punch to the gut...

another birthday

Sam turned nine this past Saturday.
And I tried not to dwell on the where-she-is as opposed to the where-she-should-be.
but i had my moment.
Saturday morning. sitting on the side of the tub. watching her walk into the bathroom for me to do her hair. It hit me.
She's nine now.
Nine.
I won't even speculate where her maturity level actually is?
Or her ability level.
but neither are anywhere near nine years old.

It was just that one fleeting moment...

And then we had a fantastic time for her birthday.
Medieval Times with her sister and three female classmates.
None of them have the exact same issues or challenges as Sam but there are challenges for them nonetheless. Sam is the only apraxic one. But these girls were so cute and precious and darling together - being with them was one of the most uplifting experiences I have had in a very long time.
With them, Sam was typical. normal. They ALL were.
and it was GLORIOUS.
Must do this again - get these girls together. soon. often.

It's good for her.
It's good for me.

It's just good...

and the beat goes on

the latest challenge in our on-going saga is that the meds Sam takes for ADHD seriously suppress her appetite during the days. So she eats like a bird.

Then in the middle of the night when all the ADHD meds have finally metabolized out of her body - she wakes starving.

So she gets up and helps herself to whatever she'd like. I don't keep a lot of candy, cake and cookies in the house. But if there are any - that, of course, is what she eats.

Instead of telling her she cannot eat, we tried putting a package of peanut butter crackers on the kitchen counter for her every night before we go to bed. So when she does wake up, she does not have to forage for something.

And she eats the crackers, most times in bed or on the couch. It's like she is eating in her sleep. I have told her and told her that it is okay if she eats at night - as longs as she does it in the kitchen.

and after the crackers - she then usually goes for something more...

I know that eating at night is not a good habit to develop. but she is very lean. This does not strike me as a binge type thing - but as a very real physical need for food.

And yes, we insist that she try to eat more during the day time.
And sometimes that helps.

Still trying to figure this one out.
I don't really want to have to put a lock on the pantry...

reckon I will talk with her shrink about this next week.